Mighty Men and Leaping Lizards

We're back with more coverage from last week's Terrorskull Conference matches.

Next up is the classic battle of humans and orcs, as timeless as battle itself in the annals of history. Widespread slaughter has given way to confined, regulated slaughter however, as the Araby Falcons took on the Qamaja Rouglrejirz. The match's start was marked by a blistering wave of heat passing through the stadium grounds, adding "pungent sweat" to the list of things stinking up the arena. The Falcons' offense, however, reeked only of success, as a passing play from Marcus Sanchez to fellow thrower Mathius Ice started off a sterling series of plays. Ice then threw the ball in turn to catcher Arthur Jaris Green, who ran the ball in for a touchdown.

While the weather was bright and incredibly hot, a figurative black cloud hovered over the Rouglrejirz's heads. The heat had left several orc players dehydrated and woozy, and those few had to sit out the next drive with ice-cold cans of refreshing Orca Cola strapped to their foreheads. Things began to clear up for the Rouglrejirz when thrower Abbas completed a pass to Sakgu the blitzer. the green line was holding up better as well, highlighted by fellow blitzer Magub throttling the Falcons' Cassius Matthews and ending the human lineman's day prematurely. Unfortunately for the orcs, time ran out in the half before they could develop the play further.

The heat finally broke once the second half began, along with a few bones. Falcons blitzer Rowan Lewis laid a powerful hit on black orc Digdug, leaving the latter a mangled heap on the pitch. Medical staff later confirmed that Digdug would miss the following week's match, but hadn't told him that yet because they weren't too keen on getting torn in half. Presumably they will let the Rouglrejirz's coach break the news to the wounded player. Following the injury, the Falcons returned to their stellar offensive play, as Marcus Sanchez completed another pass, this time to catcher Carac Johnson. Johnson ran for the end zone and wasn't caught, bringing the score to 2-0 for Araby.

Despite the deficit, the Rouglrejirz's coach was no less vocal than usual, and a torrent of cursing and yelling seemed to inspire the team somewhat. Not a lot came of it, however, and the speedy humans danced around the depleted orcs for yet another touchdown, this time at the hands of blitzer Jarin Jarin Watts. Adding insult to injury, they brought a blitz on the next kickoff, and lineman Janshai Pierre Paul put the exclamation point on the game by taking black orc Gujarek painfully to the ground. The final score was 3-0 for Araby. MVP awards for the match went to Thomas Lang of the Falcons, and to Unrugagh of the Rouglrejirz.

The final game of the day saw the Lizardman squad of the Tri-City Theropod Thrashers take on the Mordrock Murderers, representing the Gods of Chaos. Many of the details of the match were lost due to our on-site reporter contracting a bizarre form of dementia, but he did manage to scribble a few things down before he ran screaming into the cold night clad in nothing but a vest made of carrots.

The first half was fairly dominated by the lizardmen, whose names we have so far not been able to translate properly. Touchdowns were scored by skinks number 10 and 11, and saurus number 2 brutally knocked over beastman Alex Hawhack, leaving him in need of an extended stay at the infirmary. The second half saw more skink scoring, and though the Murderers didn't put points on the board, they did put some Thrashers on stretchers. Ken Kaos, who completed a pass for the Murderers at the end of the first half, took down a lowly skink with a vicious charge. Soon thereafter, Chaos warrior Warren Massacre dealt a hammerblow to a saurus which saw the lizard spend the rest of the day in a hammock with a painkiller smoothie. The casualties weren't enough to stem the tide of scaly scoring, however, as skink number 12 scored on a broken play which was highlighted by a usually-clumsy saurus catching a pass from a skink before being stripped of the ball later on. The final score was 3-0 for the Thrashers, with MVP accolades going to their skink number 8, as well as to the Murderers' Darren Von Reemer.

Stay tuned to this channel, sports fiends, as tomorrow marks the kickoff of hostilities for the Western Conference, known as Wraithfire!