Marathon Match Tests Limits of Both Mammal and Reptile

A gorgeous day for Blood Bowl saw the Araby Falcons and the Tri-City Theropod Thrashers compete for a trip to the Terrorskull Conference championship, and by the end of the day (literally, they would up playing under the lights), a victor was named. The lizardmen had a few more fans on hand than the humans, though we suspect that this was the result of skinks standing on one another's shoulders and masquerading as a rather lean saurus, and paying only one admission fee. The Falcons would win the coin toss and receive first.

The kickoff was punctuated by some very inspired yelling from the Falcons' sideline. Human throwing sensation Mathius Ice gathered up the ball with what have become known as the "most valuable hands in sports" and passed it off to the always-dangerous Arthur Jaris Green, who scorched a line through the Thrashers secondary and down the sideline towards the goal. The skink runners of the Thrashers were quick to react, however, and they bottled up the human catcher quickly. Seeing no way around, Green decided to go through, but things didn't work out as planned. Green botched the hit and tumbled to the earth, and the ball wound up in the stands. Some eager Falcons fan lobbed it to the Thrashers' end zone, but it didn't stay there long, as the smooth-running LL Coolblooded J got a hold of it and went running back up the field.

After J got across midfield, he was set upon by the regrouped humans, and lost the ball after a blitz from the newly acquired Aldai Peterson. Barda Urlacker made a move to recover the discarded ball, but couldn't rein in the unruly rock. Unfortunately for the Thrashers, saurus Jay-Zilla also tried to pick up the ball, despite the agility-based shortcomings of his species. Luckily, right behind him was the much more dextrous skink, Method Slaan, who showed us all how it's done. Jay-Zilla gave his colossal head a shake and got back to looking for humans to stomp, and Method Slaan slinked his way into the end zone to open the scoring for the lizardmen.

Quickly shaking off the previous sequence, the Falcons went right back to work on the next kickoff. Quickly starting the play before the Thrashers could settle in, they put together a picture-perfect play which started with new catcher Legs Jennings handing the ball off to Mathius Ice, and Ice launching it to his favorite target, Arthur Jaris Green. Taken completely off guard, the lizardmen could only watch as Green high-stepped into the end zone before time expired, to tie the game.

When play resumed, the lizardmen were right back to work, getting some sound coaching advice from their own sideline. Skink 2 Scalez got his claws on the ball and handed off deftly to Method Slaan. The saurus corps were much more checked-in this time around, led by the hulking Ghostface Gila who sent human lineman Zane Mangold down for an involuntary nap. The way was made clear for Method Slaan, and before you could say "leaping lizards", the wily little fellow was in the end zone and the Thrashers had regained the lead.

On the ensuing kickoff, human #2 thrower Marcus Sanchez proved exactly why is is #2, failing first to catch the high, lazy kick sent his way, then botching a routine pickup immediately afterwards. Eventually he did manage to settle down and collect the ball, and fired a pass to Mathius Ice without further incident. Ghostface Gila was immediately on the scene once more, tracking right into Ice with a great deal of momentum and sending the ball squirting free. Not phased in the slightest, Mathius Ice calmly hustled back to the ball and launched it to - you guessed it - Arthur Jaris Green.

The small, speedy skinks wasted no time in getting into Green's face once more, and LL Coolblooded J made the hit that knocked the ball free once more. Right behind Green, however, was Barda Urlacker with a head full of steam, knocking lizards aside like scaly bowling pins and picking the ball up one-handed in passing, leaping into the end zone to tie the game and save the humans' post-season dreams.

With scant time remaining, the humans kicked the ball away to the lizardmen, but used their impressive mobility to adapt their defensive formation perfectly to the Thrashers' plans. Mucklemore managed to get the ball and hand it forward to 2 Scalez, but any hope of winning in regulation was dashed when the way through the line was blocked off by the humans. To make matters worse for the lizardmen, #1 saurus Notorious L.I.Z. was felled with a huge block by Jarin Jarin Watts, a wound that would require at least a couple of weeks to recover from. Time expired, and fans clamored and cheered for overtime.

Jarin Jarin Watts got hold of the ball and was making great progress until the enraged and seemingly ubiquitous Ghostface Gila laid him out with a crushing overhand chop. Watts went to the quiet room, while LL Coolblooded J went to the ball. Within moments, the skilled skink went right to the end zone, and the Thrashers took the lead for the third time in the game.

Another high kick by the Thrashers saw Legs Jennings field the ball cleanly, and the rookie handed it off expertly to Arthur Jaris Green, who charged down the field, flanked by a trio of human blitzers. Once again, a swarm of skinks surged towards the catcher, and once again the heap of reckless reptiles ripped the ball from Green's arms. Righting himself, Green scrambled to recover the lost ball, but couldn't get through the mess of skinks. The skinks, though, couldn't make any more sense of it themselves, and missed a chance of their own to claim the precious ovoid. With one last lunge, knowing that the season was on the line, Arthur Jaris Green rolled through the oppressive coverage, scooped up the ball, and dove for the corner post to tie the game again!

Exhaustion hung in the air like a Nurgle team's body odor. Still, both sides lined up to set the ball in play again. This time, receiving the ball was Chameleonaire, handing the ball off to Method Slaan to get the offense moving. The lizardman line did their part, starting with Snoop Trog knocking out Barda Urlacker to create a gap. Method Slaan then charged forward, intending to plow his way through Arthur Jaris Green, but Green stood tall and the skink simply bounced off of him, the ball squirting free. Mathius Ice was on the scene to pick it up, but fatigue had taken its toll on the skilled thrower, and he could do little more than bat it away.

Snoop Trog continued clearing the field by shoving Eddar Reed into the stands, where he was miraculously unharmed. Aldai Peterson threw a shot at Method Slaan, and though it connected, the skink hung off the human's arm on the follow-through and fell right onto the ball. The ball, in turn, bounced out of play, and someone - perhaps the displaced Urlacker? - lobbed it down deep into Thrashers territory. Desperate to reclaim it, Mathius Ice scrambled towards the ball, but only succeeded in falling down some more. With a final effort, Ice crawled through a swarm of skinks, flailed his arm at the ball and sent it bounding towards Legs Jennings before collapsing, stunned, on the field.

The moon was rising as triple overtime was marked on the scoreboard. 2 Scalez chugged forward and dropped Legs Jennings, leaving the ball free once more. Kanye Crest made an attempt at picking it up, but no such luck was to be had. No, only the strangest of plays would work under the moonlight. Cassius Matthews of the Falcons ran up to grab the ball and tackle Kanye Crest, but the hit failed to connect, and Matthews wound up kicking the ball right to the skink! In a panic, Crest ran down the field, only to be dropped by a hit from Marcus Sanchez. The ball flew free, and landed right in Sanchez's outstretched hand.

With time expiring and the game in his hands, Sanchez threw a perfect spiral pass to who else by Arthur Jaris Green. Green bolted away from coverage, and as time finally ran out, he crossed the goal line. The day was won for the Araby Falcons, in what was easily the most exciting game in the young history of the LCBBL. The Falcons will advance to play the Winterplague Embalmers in the conference final. See you there!

Embalmers Survive Early Scare to Top Rouglrejirz

The undefeated Winterplague Embalmers put their streak on the line in a quarterfinal match against the Qamaja Rouglrejirz this past Tuesday, each team looking to advance to the conference championships and be that much closer to the LCBBL Dungeonbowl trophy.

Despite having a smaller fanbase present for this match, the Orc supporters managed to out-scream their undead counterparts on the opening kickoff, bolstering their team's resolve as they took on the league's winningest squad. The Embalmers must have plugged their ears, or simply removed them for the time being, because they started the match off with the same methodical intensity that they've become known for, led by mummy Crush Limblargh's knockout blow against line orc Tarod. The Rouglrejirz had a heavy hitter of their own, this game, though he was enjoying the match from the stands until called forth.  No sooner than electrifying ghoul runner John Hellway had scooped up the ball and surged up to the line of scrimmage, he was on his back in a smoking heap courtesy of the Rouglrejirz's hired wizard. An audible "gulp" echoed from the Embalmers' fans as their star player was carted off the field, not to return for the entire match.

The hits kept coming after Tomb Brady of the Embalmers picked up where his crispy comrade left off. Black orc Jreghug rang zombie Dreg Bumble's bell, and blitzer Lamgugh did the same to Max Hunger. The undead weren't taking the beatings laying down, though, and gave as good as they got. Speedy wight Dante Sinferno shoved orc blitzer Oughan clear off the field, and Crush Limblargh continued his agenda of mandatory naptimes for the orcs, this time putting Magub's lights out for a little while. With less players on the field, the speedy undead found a clear path to advance, and soon Tomb Brady was leaping across the line for the game's first touchdown.

The following kickoff was an inhuman boot from the hulking Rowdy Rotty Pulper which flew clear out of the stadium, and a new ball was fetched and given to orc thrower Abbas to begin the drive. Abbas quickly launched a pass to Sakgu, but no sooner had the ball entered his hands than it was knocked free once more by a cannonball blitz courtesy of Troy Achemoan. Achemoan's momentum nearly carried him into the crowd along with his next target, the luckless Lamgugh, but his quick reflexes allowed him to redirect himself towards the discarded ball and charge forward into the end zone to make it 2-0 for the undead. Abbas managed one more pass for the orcs before halftime.

The second half started badly for the Rouglrejirz, but they weathered the blitz from their undead opponents, and Abbas managed a huge pass down to blitzer Magub to get the ball out of danger. The Embalmers' zombies seemed intent on earning their pay for a change, and the mundanely energetic Dreg Bumble managed to pry it free from Magub after shoving the orc down with the clinical effort one expects of the walking dead. The hefty Blak Sashower responded by hitting Dante Sinferno hard enough to temporarily scramble the wight's necromantic energies and sent him cartwheeling off the field to sleep off the hit. Sakgu the blitzer added his own personal touch to the affair by knocking Dreg Bumble out with a forearm shiver. The surprisingly agile Blak Sashower got his meaty mitts on the ball, and lobbed what we assume must have been a pass to line orc Unrugagh.

The undead bashed their way towards the ball carrier as best they could, knocking out Digdug and Tarod, and eventually stunning Unrugagh. Heroically, the oafish Jreghug arrived on the scene to easily toss Wraith Lewis into the bleachers, and buy enough time for Unrugagh to right himself, pick up the ball, and walk it in for a touchdown. Not much time remained, but the orcs weren't out of it yet.

The next drive for the Embalmers started off well, with Tomb Brady tossing a short pass to Ben Rottensburger to get the offense going. The excitement was short-lived as Rottensburger tripped over a discarded jock strap on his way downfield, and the orcs surged forward to capitalize on the mistake. Unfortunately for them, no one could seem to get a sure grip on the ball. The Rouglrejirz did, at least, take the opportunity to viciously assault Crush Limblargh, knocking the mummy out despite Digdug getting caught and ejected in the process. Time finally wound down on this match, and the Winterplague Embalmers lurched away with a 2-1 victory and their perfect record intact.

Match MVP awards went to Rowdy Rotty Pulper of the Embalmers for his devoted defense of his teammates, And to the orc Nugai, who seems to have just shown up and got added to the roster because, as the orc coach put it, "We liked 'is shade uh green".  The Embalmers go on to face the winner of the upcoming Tri-City Theropod Thrashers / Araby Falcons match.

Mighty Men and Leaping Lizards

We're back with more coverage from last week's Terrorskull Conference matches.

Next up is the classic battle of humans and orcs, as timeless as battle itself in the annals of history. Widespread slaughter has given way to confined, regulated slaughter however, as the Araby Falcons took on the Qamaja Rouglrejirz. The match's start was marked by a blistering wave of heat passing through the stadium grounds, adding "pungent sweat" to the list of things stinking up the arena. The Falcons' offense, however, reeked only of success, as a passing play from Marcus Sanchez to fellow thrower Mathius Ice started off a sterling series of plays. Ice then threw the ball in turn to catcher Arthur Jaris Green, who ran the ball in for a touchdown.

While the weather was bright and incredibly hot, a figurative black cloud hovered over the Rouglrejirz's heads. The heat had left several orc players dehydrated and woozy, and those few had to sit out the next drive with ice-cold cans of refreshing Orca Cola strapped to their foreheads. Things began to clear up for the Rouglrejirz when thrower Abbas completed a pass to Sakgu the blitzer. the green line was holding up better as well, highlighted by fellow blitzer Magub throttling the Falcons' Cassius Matthews and ending the human lineman's day prematurely. Unfortunately for the orcs, time ran out in the half before they could develop the play further.

The heat finally broke once the second half began, along with a few bones. Falcons blitzer Rowan Lewis laid a powerful hit on black orc Digdug, leaving the latter a mangled heap on the pitch. Medical staff later confirmed that Digdug would miss the following week's match, but hadn't told him that yet because they weren't too keen on getting torn in half. Presumably they will let the Rouglrejirz's coach break the news to the wounded player. Following the injury, the Falcons returned to their stellar offensive play, as Marcus Sanchez completed another pass, this time to catcher Carac Johnson. Johnson ran for the end zone and wasn't caught, bringing the score to 2-0 for Araby.

Despite the deficit, the Rouglrejirz's coach was no less vocal than usual, and a torrent of cursing and yelling seemed to inspire the team somewhat. Not a lot came of it, however, and the speedy humans danced around the depleted orcs for yet another touchdown, this time at the hands of blitzer Jarin Jarin Watts. Adding insult to injury, they brought a blitz on the next kickoff, and lineman Janshai Pierre Paul put the exclamation point on the game by taking black orc Gujarek painfully to the ground. The final score was 3-0 for Araby. MVP awards for the match went to Thomas Lang of the Falcons, and to Unrugagh of the Rouglrejirz.

The final game of the day saw the Lizardman squad of the Tri-City Theropod Thrashers take on the Mordrock Murderers, representing the Gods of Chaos. Many of the details of the match were lost due to our on-site reporter contracting a bizarre form of dementia, but he did manage to scribble a few things down before he ran screaming into the cold night clad in nothing but a vest made of carrots.

The first half was fairly dominated by the lizardmen, whose names we have so far not been able to translate properly. Touchdowns were scored by skinks number 10 and 11, and saurus number 2 brutally knocked over beastman Alex Hawhack, leaving him in need of an extended stay at the infirmary. The second half saw more skink scoring, and though the Murderers didn't put points on the board, they did put some Thrashers on stretchers. Ken Kaos, who completed a pass for the Murderers at the end of the first half, took down a lowly skink with a vicious charge. Soon thereafter, Chaos warrior Warren Massacre dealt a hammerblow to a saurus which saw the lizard spend the rest of the day in a hammock with a painkiller smoothie. The casualties weren't enough to stem the tide of scaly scoring, however, as skink number 12 scored on a broken play which was highlighted by a usually-clumsy saurus catching a pass from a skink before being stripped of the ball later on. The final score was 3-0 for the Thrashers, with MVP accolades going to their skink number 8, as well as to the Murderers' Darren Von Reemer.

Stay tuned to this channel, sports fiends, as tomorrow marks the kickoff of hostilities for the Western Conference, known as Wraithfire!

Terrorskull Conference Kicks Off its Inaugural Season

Three out of four scheduled matches were played this past Tuesday to mark the beginning of the Loyalist City Blood Bowl League's first season, and specifically the Terrorskull Conference's first day of sorts carnage. This Eastern half of the LCBBL promises brutal action and strong fundamental play, assuming your idea of fundamentals is centered around physical violence instead of necessarily scoring points.

Unfortunately, one of our teams was eliminated from contention before even getting to play a single game. On their way to meet the Bonesmoor Ravens for their match, an unknown Orc team was completely lost when their caravan attempted to cross a rickety bridge over a deep chasm. The bridge gave out, and the full compliment of players, coaches, cheerleaders, medical staff, traveling fans, and assorted innocent bystanders fell into the gap, never to be seen again. Perhaps one or two survived to found an Underworld league? We may never know. As a result of the tragedy, the Bonesmoor Ravens were awarded the win and the spoils. Luckily for us, there were three more games to sate our appetite for destruction this day.

The first game to successfully begin saw the Winterplague Embalmers, an Undead squad from the frozen northern reaches of the world, face the Ogreland Raydurzz, a team of Ogres and Snotlings from the cratered wastelands. The game began poorly for the Raydurzz, as the opening drive was punctuated by a skull flying out of the stands and smacking Ogre Bill Tinfoul square in the forehead, sending the big fella down for a short nap.With the Raydurzz already at a disadvantage, the Embalmers set their running offense in motion as ghoul runner John Hellway scooped up the ball and made his way over midfield. The Raydurzz attempted to fill the game left by Tinfoul's spontaneous close-up encounter with the pitch by sending Snotlings in to take his place. This did not go so well. Lucky made strides to plug up the line of scrimmage, but tripped and pinched a nerve. He was followed to the infirmary by teammate Thumbs, who suffered a fractured leg after a collision by the Embalmers' team captain, the ghoul Tomb Brady. With the Ogre defense in disarray, Hellway made great strides to the end zone and scored the first touchdown in the league's history, but not before another Snotling, this time the luckless Ooozze, slipped in a pile of Ogre spit and broke his little neck.

On the ensuing kickoff, a parade of stretchers began carrying numerous knocked out players to their sidelines, with Ogre Rollin Thunder turning Zombie Dreg Bumble's lights out. This was followed by Snotling Wheels tossing a teeny, tiny pass to teammate Chuck, who regrettably fell down and went boom, and was dragged away to the recovery room. Undead Wight Dante Sinferno followed up by clobbering Fumbler, and another Snotling was bound for a pile of hay and a nose full of smelling salts. In the dying seconds of the half, Ghoul Ben Rottensburger got a hold of the ball and lobbed it to Troy Achemoan, but time ran out before the Undead could score again.

The second half started well for the Raydurzz as the recently-awoken Fumbler tossed a pass to his good friend Squish, who then handed it off to Wheels. Snotling spirits were high until Rowdy Rotty Pulper, one of the Embalmers' towering Mummies, soundly stomped Crazy into a mushy paste beneath his heavy foot. Truly, Crazy died how he had lived. After a bout of pushing and shoving, the ball popped loose from Wheels' grasp, and John Hellway once again gained possession. Things were going well for Hellway - the Ogres even seemed to be having a little group nap. A committee of Snotlings managed to bring him down along the sidelines, however, and the ball flew into the stands. It seemed as though the Embalmers had a little extra "talent" up there, because the throw-in went directly to Dante Sinferno and the drive continued. Troy Achemoan helped clear the way by sending Sprinkles the Snotling to the infirmary, and as Sinferno rolled into the end zone, the game devolved (or evolved, depending upon your point of view) into a brawl full of fouls and punches, Notably with Ben Rottensburger injuring Snotling Aaahhs, Heeve Ho the Ogre booting Zombie Cruddy Lunge in the head, and Fluddy Ditch being tossed for trying to knee-drop Bill Tinfoul. The final score was 2-0 for the Winterplague Embalmers.

MVPs of the match were Will Blitz of the Raydurzz, and Dante Sinferno of the Embalmers, who displayed astonishing speed throughout the game.

We'll be back soon with coverage of the other two matches.